Life isn’t always easy. I think that’s what I’m trying to say. The news I was hoping to have heard from the doctor today did not come to fruition. I continue to be homebound and on a driving restriction until further notice. My leave from work has now been extended out until late March. Not welcome news for someone who so desperately wants a return to normalcy.
The grim news comes on the heels of my most recent attack this past Saturday. Due to it’s severity and a growing concern for my heart, my medical team continues to keep me under their care. I wish I could say better, but I can’t. The doctors have set up multiple tests in order to dive deeper into the problem. A stress test will be conducted Thursday morning and now a tilt table test will also be scheduled. A tilt table test aims to purposely cause the attacks to happen. I wasn’t too keene on the idea as you could imagine. I’m scared enough of the attacks that take place randomly.
Through the studies, the doctors will also now be throwing medicine at me, something they initially backed down from doing. Do I know where I’m going from here? Do the doctors really know what is going on with my body? The answer to both of those questions is no. It’s an uncertainty that I am scared of. At this point, the doctors are exploring every level of possibility as well as everything they can do medically. One thing is for certain; I’m stuck with this. Wether they come to a conclussion or not, it will be something I will be living and caring for as I grow older.
So, what I’m saying is, I’m still not going to die, honest. I am, however, in between a rock and a hard place. No life is ever easy. My mind is fringing on what to do next and just where do I go from here. There are talks of the possibility that I could never drive again, or for an even more extended amount of time. That just can’t be. News like that is hard to swallow, especially for someone who’s young and energetic like myself.
Alas, it might be the energy that will harm me in the end. Having too much of a good thing, is usually a bad thing. I’ll contine to fight the good fight. It’s a long battle, but hey, I guess someone’s got to do it, and God picked me.